I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
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