Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
