somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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