Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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