Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
