When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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