saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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