all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
