I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
