he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
thus making me awesome and them whores
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
