so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I need to calm my uterus...
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
