OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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