onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't deserve a penis
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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