So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
