I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
being pregnant is like rehab
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Randomize
