I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
