i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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