he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize