we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize