You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Blow job season was short but glorious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
