Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
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