he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
