why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
