If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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