Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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