i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
