Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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