I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I need moral support for this bender
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
