How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
