OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
