Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
mondays should just be called national damage control day
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
