Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
