I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
