I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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