I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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