My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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