idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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