sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
