I think I am morally bankrupt
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
