dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
