Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
