dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
