I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
