All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
