so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
