Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
