I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
