if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
