Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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