Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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