Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Be still, my beating vagina.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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