His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
