I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
