I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
