bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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