Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
