Got a toothbrush?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
