you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
