Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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