my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
