I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
