Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do vagina's smell?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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