A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
