u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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