Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
