OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
