Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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