so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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