What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
not ubering you a puppy
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize