when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
