she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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