We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
