I want to stick my p in your. b.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
