drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
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