Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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