no, he came in my armpit
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
