just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
