We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
