I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
