I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
