She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
