guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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