Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
