no, he came in my armpit
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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