Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize