i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ttyl tear gas
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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