I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
two words: eviction party
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
