Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
