He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
