How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
