Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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