we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
