No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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