Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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