I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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