gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
